The Pain of Losing a Loved One

In Loving Memory of My Mother, Damiana Arriaga

My name is Betty Nielsen, the founder of Freedom Quilts. Soon the 10th anniversary of 9/11 will hit us all again, and the 10th anniversary for Freedom Quilts will be coming around the corner also. When a quilt is presented to a family who has lost a love one -- whether it's 9/11 or fallen soldiers' families -- I try and write a letter to the families letting them know how our hearts hurt for them. Never do I try and act like I know and understand this pain that the families go through because I know I don't, and I would never want to pretend to. It would be an insult to mourning families if we say we understand when we don't. Only those who have walked those shoes understand.

On May 14, I received the call to come to Ohio because my mother was in ICU. I had no idea it would be to say my good-byes. My mother never opened her eyes, and on May 16 she died. I never got there in time to tell her I loved her and to let her know how much she meant to me. I don't know if my mother heard me or not. We think we have all this time to say how much we love someone, but we don't. Time is short.

I never wanted to be on the side of being comforted. I wanted to do the comforting, and I have -- for almost ten years until my mother's death. The pain is too much to bear. You're numb and feel you have no love to give anymore or feel nothing. Your heart feels like it's been ripped out of your chest, and you just don't care if you live or die. People talk to you and you may say yes and don't even know what you're saying yes to. Little things make me break down and cry. You try to be strong but you have no strength. You try taking one day at a time because you know you can't handle anything more. Faith is the only thing that keeps you going because you believe they are in a better place now -- no more suffering, but it doesn't stop that heart ache.

I have a little more understand what the families are telling me because I have walked in those shoes, and they are shoes I wish no one would have to walk in. Mothers are special and very important in our lives, and when they are gone we have no one to call up and talk to about things that only a mother can understand. A mother's love is not a love that can be replace, and when she gone you are totally empty inside.

I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends that are great with me and are helping me deal with this pain. I have my good days and my bad days. Tonight I went over to my friend's house and we had a wonderful time, but when I came home I thought of my mom and the pain started all over again. Some say time heals all wounds, but I have talked to many that say the pain is still there. They just learn how to hide it from others because people think you need to move on. There is no set time when you stop mourning your love ones. There is no set time when you can say, okay I won't hurt anymore because everyone is telling me I should be okay. You know you have to continue with life, but it doesn't mean it will be easy. There is a huge hole in your heart that will not mend.

More than ever, I know that this project means a lot to families who have lost a love one, so I have to be strong and pick up the pieces and continue. I know my mother would want me to do that. She was the one who taught me to reach out and help others. She always had time for everyone and was good at helping others.

In Memory of a great mother and wonderful Christian woman, I was blessed to have her as my mother and now I need to make her proud and continue this project and bring comfort to those who mourn the loss of a love one. Faith is what keeps me going when all I really want to do is give up, but I don't want to cause this pain to those who love me. For those who haven't taken time to say, "I love you mom," take the time and do so for you never know if that would be the last time you get that chance. Don't wait until it's too late.

Freedom Quilts Receives Steel and Soil from Ground Zero

Through the years, have dedicated time, love and compassion in our goal to assure every 911 victim's family receives a quilt in honor of their loved one. In return, so many of these families have reached out to us and have given us the warmest of thank you's.

We are also deeply grateful to have received some very special honors. We were honored to add our stitch and help repair the National 9/11 Flag that was found at Ground Zero. The National Memorial Museum of 911 accepted one of our5 original quilts -- War Paint -- to be on display at the museum. And, we have been deeply honored to receive an urn of soil and a piece of steel from Ground Zero.

We cherish the kindness family members have extended to us, and we keep these sacred items on safe display so visitors to the Freedom Quilts shop can remember... Remember the lives that were lost on 911 and remember the need to comfort those who have lost a loved one.

The Battle Cross: Remembering the meaning and importance

On April 2, 2011, Freedom Quilts hosted a special memorial event at the Freedom Quilts shop in honor of three soldiers and one 9/11 firefighter’s family. During the ceremony, a Battle Cross Memorial was performed in honor and memory our lost heroes.

Perhaps you've seen the Battle Cross before -- combat boots, a rifle, helmet and dog tags. But were you aware of the meaning behind the Battle Cross?

When a serviceman or woman is lost in the battlefield, it has become customary to arrange their rifle pointing downward along with their boots and helmet. Surviving members of their squad gather around and memorialize their fallen comrades. Some of the troops will pray, others might recall personal stories, but make no mistake, this is a ceremony that is taken very seriously. Every soldier knows the next ceremony might be for them.

When a rifle with bayonet is downward into the ground, it is a memorial of a soldier killed in action. It also signals a time for prayer, a break in the action to pay tribute to our friend and hero.

Dog tags identify the soldier's name so he or she will never be forgotten.

The helmet is also a symbol of this great sacrifice.

Combat boots represents the final march of the soldier last battle.

May we stand together in honor and memory of our fallen heroes.

National 9/11 Flag

What an honor to be told that you are one of the Iowa Heroes and you get to actually put in your stitch on the flag. Freedom Quilts was given that honor on Feb 24th when the National 9/11 flag came to Eagle Grove. For nearly a decade Freedom Quilts has been making quilts to comfort families and it all started right after 9/11. The honor of putting a stitch on the flag that was found at Ground Zero all torn and now going to all 50 states to be restore was a true honor. Freedom Quilts not only put a stitch on the quilt but help others put a stitch on the flag also. We are all restoring the flag which makes us united a reminder to us all that when we stand united we can also restore our country. The flag is a symbol of how great we can be when we united something we should never forget. Freedom Quilts is no heroes we are just a group that band together to bring comfort to 9/11 families then flood victims and now fallen soldiers families.
April the 2nd we will be honoring some Iowa soldiers families.

2011 Raffle Quilt

For those that are interested contact us about our raffle quilt. It is a queen size quilt and very patriotic. For every $25.00 donation that you make we put your name in the drawing.

Gift from Iowa to the families of 9/11

Iowa has not forgotten quilt is design so as many Iowan can sign the quilt before we take it to New York to present to the families of 9/11. We are charging $5.00 for your signature that will help continue buying fabric and supplies to continue the project. So far we taken it to Alta, Varina and Sunday Fonda. It's schedule to be taken to Spencer in the end of April and first part of May. Plan are being made to have it come to Boone. If anyone is interested and want us to come with the quilt then please contact me at debeniel@ncn.net and we will come with the quilt and hopefully have many signature. What a gift for the families of 9/11 to see all the signature from Iowan show that they care. Again anyone that would like Freedom Quilts to come to there town contact us and we will come with the quilt. Oh I did forget there is two other towns Sioux Rapids which the quilt will be in there town on July 30th and Storm Lake on the 4th of July.

Gift from Iowa to the 9/11 families